


Hope

by EverythingHurtsAndImDying



Category: Spider-Gwen (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, No Lesbians Die, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverythingHurtsAndImDying/pseuds/EverythingHurtsAndImDying
Summary: This was a 5k commissioned piece with a general theme of angst/comfortWhen MJ becomes paraplegic, she must learn to appreciate life from a new angle. Meanwhile, Gwen struggles with balancing Spider Life and caring for her girlfriend.
Relationships: Gwen Stacy/Mary Jane Watson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Hope

Shudders travelled down Gwen's spine, a familiar feeling she had learnt to dread. Looking around, there didn't seem to be any kind of danger, nothing about to fall from the sky or break up from the ground. Everyone was accounted for: Glory and Betty were both recovering from the intense performance, stretching out their arms and celebrating their soon-to-be win with a beer. They were quick to hide it behind their backs whenever security passed but MJ had made easy work of sneaking a crate in.

MJ. Where the Hell was she? Gwen's heart dropped, bile rising to her throat as panic set in. MJ wasn't around and her spidey senses only screamed intensely at the thought. Dropping her drumsticks, the blonde raced over to her friends, looking wide-eyed with panic. "Where's MJ?" She hissed, already looking around elsewhere, trying to find the familiar red amongst the crowd of teens.

"Calm down." Betty scoffed, pushing her beer can towards Gwen in the hopes of quelling her nerves. "She went for a swim, it's boiling and not all of us get to sit down while we're performing." It was a playful dig but the comment flew over Gwen's head, pushing the can back towards her bandmate and slipping between the two. She ignored the calls of her name, jumping from the back of the stage and sprinting towards the lake that settled behind their venue.

Following a footpath, the blonde raced to the lake, stopping short very suddenly. There was a body laid down flat in the water, red hair spreading out like blood across the murky lake. It barely took a moment to process what had happened before Gwen was screaming out her girlfriend's name and waded into the lake with her clothes still on.

"MJ, wake up! What happened, you gotta wake up!" She screamed, ignorant of the water flooding into her system as feet could no longer feel the ground. Adrenaline coursing through her body gave her the edge she needed to push her legs up and start swimming over. From where she was, that beautiful red hair really did look like blood. She had to bite back a sob.

As soon as hands wrapped around the limp body of her girlfriend and best friend, Gwen wasted no time turning around and kicking her way back to shore. She did her best not to disturb MJ, only flipping her unconscious body over so she didn't drown during the saving.

"Please be okay, please be okay." She murmured, dragging the body onto the river bank and immediately scrambling after her. Shaking hands found a pulse point and she pressed down, desperate to find any sign of life. She waited a few seconds, finding nothing and instantly moved to CPR. Though not the first time she had pressed her lips to MJ, there was something so wrong about it. Her friend was unresponsive, even as she pressed down on her chest to try and kick start her heart. Her lips felt cold and and unmoving as she blew air into her friend's mouth determinedly.

It felt like hours before a sudden gasp filled the quiet air, even the crickets had stopped chirping to witness the tragedy. MJ cried out, coughing up water and thrashing her head. Gwen swiftly made a move to stop her friend from drowning a second time, pulling her by her shoulder and placing her into the recovery position. Still panting, she leant down and hugged her girlfriend with almost too much strength. "God, I was so worried. What happened? Are you okay?" She blabbered, hands roaming over every inch of MJ before cupping her face.

MJ took a moment to focus on breathing, trying to calm herself with deep breaths. In between gulps for air, she twisted her head to her girlfriend and met her eyes. If it weren't for the water, Gwen would have thought MJ was crying.

"I can't feel my legs. M-my arms."

\--

Some people say that the heartline monitors constant beeping becomes white noise, something they get used to and learn to drown out. But for Gwen, it felt like a siren, completely engulfing any conversation. The consistent beeps felt like a countdown to something worse, and every countdown stopped eventually.

MJ was supposedly fine. There were no broken limbs or sprained ankles, no deep cuts or internal bleeding. The only thing that had been affected by the incident was her spine. The doctor had used fancy words, describing it as C5 spinal injury and all the while, MJ stayed quiet. Tears trailed down her face, her lips tight to hold back any sort of noise and she nodded as the doctor told her what she already knew.

She had lost control of her body from the shoulders down. She was paralysed.

When the doctor finally left, Gwen saw and heard MJ cry in a way she never could have imagined. Animalistic sobs broke from her chest and, despite having no control over her movements, she cried so hard that her body moved with the heaving of her chest. And Gwen could do nothing but hold her tight and close as a waterfall of emotions hit her girlfriend.

The redhead remained quiet throughout the majority of her stay in the hospital, something quite unusual for such a bold girl. Usually so full of life, she laid on the white sheets like a corpse, skin slowly paling from the lack of sunlight and refusal to be force fed. She caved eventually, after a stern word from the doctor. But Gwen could see how much she hated having to rely on someone for such a basic function.

One of the first nights at the hospital, when MJ had gained full consciousness, Gwen was being ushered out of the room - visiting time was over. She didn't want to cause a fuss but it felt like a prison visit and part of her wanted to fight the poor nurse in charge of sending visitors away. She didn't, instead grabbing her best friend's limp hand for a moment and squeezing it hard. "I promise I'll find a cure." She had whispered, eyes ablaze with determination. That same look was not reflected back, instead MJ gave her a sad smile. She had lost hope, but her girlfriend was yet to give up.

Gwen refused to give up hope, knowing that there was so much to the world yet to be discovered. She tracked down criminal masterminds, locked up and not - asking them if they had a cure for her paralysis. When even the monkey didn't have a cure, she turned her sights out of her beloved city.

Sneaking into airplanes and private jets, Gwen used her powers for something she had never thought of before. International travel. She met shamans and witch doctors, other crazy scientists but came up short yet again. The closest she had got was some experimentory research into STEM cells that usually found the participant dead in an hour. No thanks.

It was hard to balance her new life, searching for a way to save her friend, staying at school, fighting crime and being there for MJ. If she was honest to herself, crime and school had really gone on the back burner. It felt like she lived and breathed for MJ and this elusive cure.

Meanwhile, as months progressed, MJ was balancing her own problems. She still had school, friends and family but now she also had rehabilitation. As much as she wanted to put her faith in her girlfriend, she knew there would be no miracle cure waiting for her when she got back. All wrapped in a pretty bow, wouldn't that be nice? So, instead of grasping at straws, she focused what was right in front of her. It was frustrating in ways that words cannot describe, well-mannered doctors talking down to her as she was asked to lift a finger. She couldn't even do that and her therapist would only pretend to see a twitch - trying to give her faux hope.

But she was determined to get better, she had to. If she didn't have her body, what could she do? She couldn't write, couldn't sing in the band, she couldn't even feed herself for fucks sake! There were a lot of nights of crying, some of screaming and some where she would just lay in silence, staring at the whitewashed walls of the hospital.

Everyone said going home would make everything better, that she would feel more relaxed and able to do her exercises in confidence. She still had regular visits to the hospital and physiotherapists came by her house to help. The issue with that plan had been her parents; once relaxed and laid-back, now constantly fussed over their child. It was sweet, MJ could tell their intentions were good but it all became too much very quickly. She couldn't believe she had come to miss the lonely nights in the hospital.

Even Gwen was causing her frustration, which only added to the guilt of holding everyone down. She needed others to survive and she hated it, didn't want people to have to wait around on her. Her girlfriend would come back from a few days away only to bring back the news she had yet to find a cure; that in turn would make Gwen feel the need to coddle MJ. Constantly asking if she needed a drink or to go to the bathroom.

It became too much and, after one ordinary day in the life of a cripple, MJ lost it.

The redhead had just been helped to sit up in her bed by her girlfriend and they were sat together, watching some shitty Netflix show MJ didn't even bother paying attention to. Gwen received a notification on her phone and glanced at it, someone had help her set up a connection to the police radio. She looked at it and quickly placed the phone back in her pocket, though not before her girlfriend had seen.

"Why are you here?" MJ spat suddenly, scowling and twisting her neck to look at her friend. "I don't need you here, you've got better things to do." She added, squinting at her in search of some kind of tell if she lied.

"I want to be here; I want to spend time with you." Gwen replied honestly, a little put back that MJ had even asked. Though she was no longer able to move, nothing had changed for Gwen, she still wanted to spend time with her girlfriend - it was only the situation that had changed.

The other didn't see it that way, letting out a scoff and tossing her head to the side. "You're just pitying me and I don't want it." She declared, so full of her usual self-confidence, though it had twisted into something ugly.

"Jesus, babe, I'm not pitying you! I just wanna spe-"

"I want you to go." MJ's infamous pride was really getting the better of her in that moment, she wanted her girlfriend to argue and stay but she couldn't stand forcing her to stay stuck in the same room just like her. It was probably better for her to leave, to move on. It made sense; no teenager would want to be stuck with a disabled girlfriend for the rest of their life. They'd miss out on so much, Gwen deserved better than that.

Gwen tried to speak but a nasty look from MJ stopped her in her tracks, as did the slowly forming tears in her girlfriend's eyes. "Get out." MJ sniffled, trying to look her meanest as a serious tone took hold of the atmosphere. "Get out, Gwen. I want to be alone." She knew how much Gwen enjoyed fighting crime and she refused to be the one to hold her back.

Licking her lips, the blonde tried to think of something to say, a way to apologise for probably overstepping a boundary. But nothing came to mind, she knew MJ well enough to tell she wouldn't win this fight. With a sigh and a murmured promise of seeing her later, Gwen gathered her stuff and left out of the window.

MJ watched her girlfriend, the love of her life, swing away and a broken sob escaped her lips.

\--

Gwen couldn't find it in herself to search out crime that night, despite her best efforts. Her body felt heavy and her mind was full, there was no way she could concentrate tonight. She needed to talk to someone, someone who understood.

Meeting the other spiders had become an easy task, though not something they did often. Glitches still occurred - and hurt - and they all worried about getting too attached to another world. Noir was the worst for it, always wanting to come back and see if he had made any progress on his Rubix cube. It was a little concerning how obsessed he had become with the toy but they'd had all agreed to let Noir pressure Spiderham so they didn't have to deal with it. Peter was still a sore subject for Gwen, despite the years difference. Every time she saw the alternate Spiderman, she just imagined what the Peter in her world could have accomplished.

Miles was the one she spoke to most, creating little rifts in time and space with the device Peni had made for them all. Rather than visit each other, they would lay in their beds and talk late at night, catching up and seeing how the other was doing. Gwen was proud, Miles was becoming an amazing Spider-Man.

Contacting Miles late in the evening and confessing everything had been a lot easier than she had expected, but a lot messier too. She had tried her hardest to stop the tears from falling as she admitted she felt like a terrible girlfriend and a bad hero, not able to do anything right. It was so bad, in fact, that Miles had crawled through the small rift between their two worlds and offered her a hug. Gwen cried openly, almost waking her father at one point, but it had been the most lethargic thing she had done in a long time. Miles had encouraged her, promised to help in any way he could and reminded her of what an amazing person she was. Though she didn't feel it, her friend left her with a reinvigorated sense of determination. She would be there for MJ, through it all. Through the screaming and the crying and the hateful words she didn't mean, Gwen was not going to give up on her girlfriend.

\--

Maybe it had been Miles' words, or perhaps the hands-free wheelchair MJ's parents bought her but things got better. A lot better. Not perfect, far from the old life that they once had. There was still a daily struggle, good days when MJ would smile and crack a few jokes and others when she would sit in a gloomy silence, unbreakable by any force.

What helped Gwen the most was her friends. Only a few days after speaking to Miles, Spider-Woman found herself cornered by a familiar gang of crazies. As it turned out, Miles had spoken to all the other Spiders and they had come to a conclusion together; they would take turns helping Gwen fight crime in her world. The blonde had immediately refused, saying that they were offering too much but it seemed none of them were listening. All the Spiders had one thing in common (sans the radioactive spider) and that was stubbornness. They were not going to let their friend fight this battle alone, even if she didn't want the help. And that had been when Gwen realised she and MJ were experiencing the same thing. This all-consuming need for independence, to the point where she hurt others in the process.

"Fine. But no dropping anvils on bad guys."

\--

"C’mon MJ, you’ve got this!" Dr. Smith practically growled between clenched teeth, eyes glued to the arm in front of him. MJ whimpered, biting her lip and stemming back tears of joy as she tried to lift her arm just a slight bit more as it shook desperately. "If it hurts too much, stop. But you’re almost above your personal best." The doctor added, turning around swiftly and picking up a nearby ruler. He turned back around and pressed it against the wheelchair arm, bringing it near MJ’s arm to see how far she had lifted.

"Another inch!" He cheered and MJ found some new strength inside herself, a strange new fire set alight at the doctors encouraging words and she lifted her arm above the ruler in one swift moment. 

A happy sob escaped her lips as she stared at her arm, now shaking more than ever but still raised. It hurt, it hurt real bad but the joy of finding movement was enough to wash away the pain for a small while. "I-I can’t believe it." She laughed, tears running freely down her face as she hesitantly lowered her arm- afraid she might never be able to lift it again. Her shoulder burned as she lifted her gaze to the doctor, letting out a small laugh at his incredulous look.

Dr Smith had to have been the third or fourth physiotherapist MJ had dealt with. She had struggled with their methods and how they spoke to her, hating how she felt like a child whenever they came over to help her with exercises. However, Dr. Smith, or Harry, had been a breath of fresh air. He had marched into MJ’s room, introduced himself and told her that she was going to hate him for the next few months but, if she was consistent, progress would be made. And he was right, the man was a real bastard. Always pushing her, telling her she could do better and barely focusing on the progress she had made. But that’s what the redhead wanted, she didn’t want to be coddled. She got on well with Harry when she wasn’t cursing him out, they both had a similar stubborn sense of person and - strangely enough - had the same music taste. 

Harry was only supposed to be around for an hour but he was often there for two or three, listening to MJ’s music after the session ended and offering improvements. Gwen would start to crawl through the window, only to see the man still there and MJ would have to comically distract him whilst her girlfriend climbed out of the window and knocked on the door like a regular person. 

"That was incredible, MJ." The doctor scoffed, unbelieving tone evident in his voice. "It takes patients weeks to progress from one inch to another and you’ve just lifted at least 3 inches without even thinking about it!" He was giddy and that, in turn, made MJ giddy too. She was making progress, real progress! 

"I wanna try again." MJ declared, that fire still burning bright in her despite the aches that crawled up her arm.

"No, no." Harry laughed, shaking his head and relaxing back in his chair. "You’re gonna hurt yourself if you strain too much and then we’ll be back to square one." He offered, returning his tone to his usual professional one that MJ seldom ever heard. "You’ve done well, that’s enough for today. I-I'm going to have to consider some more exercises since you’re racing ahead of me." He teased and smiled as MJ laughed, the girl blushing with embarrassment. He was right, there was still a long way to go but she couldn’t help but feel ready. She was ready to take the big steps, had confidence she would get better.

And now, it didn’t matter how long it would take. The computer, the music software and the wheelchair were all she needed. That, and Gwen of course. But compared to all those months ago, when the accident had just happened, she could have never imagined herself feeling this happy or confident. 

"Hey, Harry, can you send Gwen a text for me." She asked softly, smile still playing on her lips as she glanced at her phone on the desk. After waiting for the doctor to open her phone, she spoke what she wanted him to text. "Hey babe, just lifted my arm. Smiley face, smiley face and a bunch of kisses." The doctor laughed but did as he was told, writing out the text word-for-word and sending it before looking at MJ with pride.

For anyone else, lifting their arm was nothing to be proud of and MJ knew that. But she had also accepted she was fighting her own battles and they were still significant, no matter how small they seemed to someone else.

Gwen shared the exact same sentiment, heart soaring when she read the text sent to her. "Miles, Miles, wait!" She called out as the swung between buildings. She flicked her wrist up and her body followed, making easy work of landing against a building wall. She tucked her phone away and focused on climb up the tall building - she was pretty sure it was a bank - and glanced over her shoulder to check Miles had stopped like requested. He had, climbing a few inches below her.

She laughed as she pulled herself up, sitting on the edge of the roof with her feet swinging mindlessly. She felt so warm inside, so happy she was almost faint. Her grin stretched across her face as she stared at her phone, reading the same message over and over again.

Miles eventually caught up, flipping onto the roof and sitting beside her with an arrogant smirk. "You tired, Spider-Woman?" He teased, pressing their shoulders together and trying to sneak a glance at what had Gwen so distracted from patrolling. His chest heaved underneath the black suit, but he would never admit he was still struggling to keep up with the girl. She was just so damn fast, it wasn't fair!

"No." Gwen let out a little laugh, shoving her phone in the other's face rather than taking the time to think about some sort of comeback. She didn't have the effort for their usual teasing jabs, far too happy to think of something bitter to say. "MJ's just lifted her arm!" She blabbed before Miles could read the text, unable to keep it a secret and wait for him to read the text. Her body was invigorated with some strange new passion and she pushed herself up, unable to stand still.

"That's amazing!" Miles gasped, not even bothering to read the text before he stood up and pulled Gwen into a hug. He knew how much this would mean to her and he couldn't be happier for the two, especially after seeing his best friend at such a low. "I thought she was paralysed for life!" He offered, in amazement at MJ's strength. He had yet to meet her but still felt a connection, still felt like her struggle was also his struggle. It was strange but Miles knew he would do anything for this stranger, just from hearing about her troubles and triumphs.

"Yeah." Gwen sighed, pulling her hood down and burying her face into Miles' neck to hide the happy tears that flowed freely. "She was supposed to be but as she recovered, the doctors realised there was a little hope for her body. She has to do all these exercises to keep her muscles from deteriorating but now she's making progress!" She let out a shaky breath, pulling Miles closer for a minute before she stepped away. An awkward laugh slipped through her lips and she used the back of her hand to wipe tears away.

Miles had a smile on his lips, genuine and open as he took his mask off - it felt right for the moment. He glanced at the phone, finally reading the text before handing it back. "Does that mean your band might perform again? You know you promised me tickets." He reminded with a grin, stretching out his body and taking the time to catch his breath as subtly as he could.

"Oh, imagine!" Gwen laughed, sending back a text before tucking her phone into her suit. "MJ is something else when she's on stage, it's like she's in her element up there. And everyone knows it, they can't look away." She craved nothing more than to see her girlfriend singing again, belting her heart out and enjoying every moment. "But I think she's focusing on activism for now, letting her voice be heard in a different way. We still have the band, but it's not her main focus and I completely get why."

Miles had noticed whenever MJ came up in conversation, it was hard to get Gwen to stop talking. But he didn't mind.

"She's got really into helping others like her, she's already raised enough money to buy like three fancy wheelchairs for some kids. Maybe we could do a fundraising concert!"

Miles laughed, placing his hand on Gwen's shoulder real smooth like. "Hey, you can plan later. We gotta keep the streets safe, you remember that, right?" He offered, trying his best to keep the mood light as not to ruin the moment.

"Right, yeah." Gwen chuckled, donning her mask and leaning towards the edge of the roof. "Last one to Central Bank is a rotten egg!" She yelled before jumping from the roof and soaring towards the ground.

"Now hold on! You didn't let me get ready!" Miles squeaked, throwing his mask on before following after her.  
\--

"What'cha doing?" Gwen asked, peering up from her calculus homework to try and sneak a peek at MJ's computer screen. Her parents had really splashed out, buying her a computer that relied solely on eye movements to work. It was pretty incredible, like something out of a movie. And MJ loved it.

"Looking on this forum one of the doctors told me about." The redhead muttered, clearly too distracted to feed her girlfriend's curiosity. With a fond scoff, Gwen stood up and walked over to see what the fuss was. She peered over the other's shoulder, seeing what looked to be like a chat room.

"What's going on?" She asked, tilting her head and squinting to get a better look. For people who had no control of their arms, they seemed to type real fast.

"We're just talking about wheelchairs and shit, mostly about accessibility and how a lot of people can't get a hold of them." Despite the sad topic, MJ seemed rather inspired and that only added fuel to the fire of her girlfriend's curiosity.

"And that's a good thing why?" She asked, sounding a little concerned.

MJ laughed at the tone of voice and shook her head, throwing Gwen a look before she was back at her computer. "Well we're talking about activism - going out and educating people about quadriplegics and how people can help." She spoke like it was something anyone would do and Gwen couldn't help the fond laugh that slipped past her lips. "What? I'm serious." MJ huffed, scowling at her friend until Gwen waved a hand in submission.

"I'm not laughing at that, I'm laughing at how incredible this is and you're talking like we're discussing the weather."

MJ let out a snort and started pulling different windows up on her computer. "Oh please, that's not even the start of it. We already have a website - there's a guy in this chat room who used to be an artist before he got hit by a car." It was a little surreal for Gwen to hear MJ talk so happily about such an accident but there was no opportunity to butt in. "He saved up and bought this super cool artist tablet that means he can draw with just his eyes! Like my computer but ten times more awesome, how cool is that? He's drawing art and banners for our website right now." She closed down the windows and turned in her wheelchair to face her friend.

Gwen was at a loss for words, having not expected that anything like that could be remotely possible. She was still reeling in from MJ suddenly being able to move about her room freely with only a straw to help. It was crazy, awesome but absolutely crazy. She let out a breathy laugh, trying her best not to let her emotions overwhelm her. "That's amazing, babe. Like, wow, you're doing so much!"

That was the moment Gwen knew everything would be okay in the end, when MJ's signature smirk graced her features. In that moment, it was like nothing had ever happened. Her skin was full of colour, eyes full of determination and mind in a much better place. "I haven't even gotten started." Her girlfriend had murmured with that smirk.

Gwen's heart fluttered but before she could even think of a response, her phone vibrated against the wooden desk she had been working on. She walked over to it and sighed, noting the text from Peter to let her know he was coming through soon, that she would have to come update him on everything and they would patrol the streets together for a while. Gwen loved her hero job but still felt guilt at leaving MJ.

"Is it the depressed one?" MJ asked, tone amused as she wheeled over to the blonde.

"Yeah." Gwen replied in a grumble, glancing around to see what she could leave behind. MJ rarely ever called the Spiders by their names, referring to them by nicknames instead. When Gwen had asked why, MJ had said that Gwen was the only Spider in her eyes.

"Go get 'em, tiger. But be back by twelve, I wanna watch a documentary on the Paralympics." MJ cheered, looking up at her friend with a smile that said all she couldn't say - be safe, I love you, I'll miss you but I you need to do this.

Gwen couldn't hold back a smile in return, leaning down to steal a kiss from her girlfriend before she was packing her things and heading for the window. Once perched on the windowsill ledge, she turned back to MJ with narrowed eyes. "Don't start it without me." She playfully threatened before leaping from the window and webbing away to do what she had been born to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) Want a commission? Check me out at yandere-characters on Tumblr where you can find my rules 
> 
> $1 = 500 words
> 
> Take care <3


End file.
